One morning, Doug admitted he’d been trying for a few hours to urinate with no success. He had a doctor’s appointment for it later that day, but I suggested we get ready to make the 40-minute highway journey early. I offered to drive because I could tell he wasn’t feeling well. He balked a little at leaving so early, but I’m glad I insisted. We weren’t even halfway to the doctor’s office be- fore he was in extreme pain, agonizing like I’d never heard before. I drove straight to the emergency room.
A urethral stricture (likely from scar tissue) caused his urine to back up. His pain was excruciating. After a few hours and fer- vent prayer, he urinated, and the pain went away immediately. Surgery shortly afterward corrected the problem, and he had to self-catheterize for three months to keep his urethra from narrowing again.
That was by far the worst experience we’d had. I felt helpless and angry at not being able to relieve his pain. It was a lesson in trusting in God and my instincts to get to the doctor sooner, and remaining calm behind the wheel.
Doug’s doctors monitor him closely. He isn’t nervous before his follow-ups, but I am. It’s overwhelming, and having a solid support system helps. My faith in God is the foundation of mine. I believe He is a healer and has a hand in everything that happens to us.
Family and friends are supportive, but my family is scattered around the world and I never want to overload my friends. So Doug and I attend an extremely helpful local support group twice a month called the Prostate Network. I checked them out and told Doug to come with me when he was ready. They have a meeting that focuses on educating survivors and their family members or caregivers about treatment advances. Another puts prostate cancer survivors and caregivers, which mostly means wives, in separate rooms. We listen to doctors and speakers and then talk about everything — new medicines, tests, medical breakthroughs, and ways to manage side effects, exercises, diet and more. We’re always sharing and learning from each other.
I wish more wives would attend. It’s possible they aren’t sure how to show support. I hope hearing my story helps them realize how valuable their presence can be. It is at times like these when our husbands can really use our help.